"Some US Americans Don't Have Maps"

This is probably one of them.



ChickenMama sent me this clip when I was at work today. Sure, it's easy to take a swipe at this girl, but when it's a choice between dialing the Billie Jean King National Tennis Box Office for the third time to ask yet another question about the US Open Tickets your boss is holding and wincing through these 45 seconds, it's an easy call. By the way, I hear this brain surgeon placed third in the pageant. I'm sure South Africans everywhere are rejoicing.

Skateboarding Dog

Sometimes to get ahead in business, you have to go out drinking with the guys. It's a tough break, especially when some one else is picking up the tab, but hey, this is your career we're talking about. And sometimes, that will result in Friday mornings where you are holding on to the corners of your desk and spending an inordinate amount of time doing things like sorting the mail, and just trying to get complete a day through the torpor of a splitting headache. And then someone sends you a YouTube Clip, a YouTube clip with the subject "Skateboarding Dog" and you are skeptical, very skeptical- in fact, you don't even open the email for some time. But then you finally pull yourself together and click on the link and watch a dog skateboard with more style and grace than you know that you could ever manage. So you begin laughing out loud. You watch the video a second time, clapping your hands over your eyes. You begin to yell at the screen, "Are you kidding me?" and "This is amazing!". In short, your mind is BLOWN. You decide to email several people in the office, including your boss, telling them just how mind-blowing the skateboarding dog is.



Of course, now that I watch this video again from the comfort of my bed on the dawn of my weekend, I'm not sure exactly what I found so enthralling seven hours ago, but I do believe that Skateboarding Dog does still have some merits, so I am sharing it with you all here.

The Secret of the Bitter Crone

Last night I was at home on the Internet, (as one is prone to do when one doesn’t own a television), and it came to my attention that there is a new Nancy Drew movie about to be released. I don’t know why I didn’t know this, probably because I’m not a 12 year old girl, I guess. Now, I am mega Nancy Drew fan. I hesitate to add “mega” there because it this day in age it seems like you can’t be a fan of anything unless you subscribe to fanzines and frequent message boards and are willing to travel to places like the Denver Convention Center and pay $35 to dress up in costume, etc… But, I loved the Nancy Drew mysteries when I was a girl. I collected the classic hardcover editions and could not abide any Hardy Boys mash up or modern treatment they tried to give the girl sleuth.

So, when I heard there was a movie coming out last night, the first thing I did was go to YouTube and search for the trailer (obvies).




So I watched the video clip, and within about 15 seconds, I was scandalized. By the time one of the characters pulled out a Sidekick to send a text message, I thought I was going to throw up. Ned Nickerson was a skinny, mopey spikey haired kid and there was nary a sign of Bess and George. By the time the trailer finished, I was shaking my fist at the screen, close to tears wondering which one of my friends I could call to share my outrage with and thinking, “Damn you popular culture! Damn you and your self-perpetuating youth obsessed culture, disregard for the classics and relentless pursuit of tween marketing dollars!” I mean, I’ve got to have more purchasing power than a 13-year old, right?

Then I realized that the reason summer blockbusters are marketed to 7^th graders with unsteady babysitting jobs Is because kids are supposed to want to buy Nancy Drew ring tones and iPod cozies and matching friend journals with tiny brass locks with their disposable income and that I am supposed to be saving for the down payment on a house, because it turns out, I am really old. Then I gave up and went to bed.

Well, maybe with fewer cinder blocks.

Remember that guy I met at the New Year's Day open house who performed in a political circus heavily populated with lesbians? Well, I saw him at a party last night and he told me he was auditioning for this dance group.



Huh. Funny, that's amazingly similar to how my day at work went today. Now if only I could get the other analysts and traders to all wear matching unitards...

Are You Watching?

Tonight the new television series This American Life debuts on Showtime. Are you watching? If you're like me and you don't have access to Showtime, check out this quick clip featuring the art of Chris Ware about the power of television. Slate has their review of the show here. And it looks like if you go to the show's homepage on Showtime, you can watch the first episode online. Gosh, after all that hype, I hope it doesn't suck.

Also, if you'd like to hear how some Germans are calling for a baby polar bear to be killed, and you don't want to see a foot nipple, check out Toby's blog. You have to wade through his typical moaning about grad school to get to the clip from the Colbert Report, but it's worth it. Like I always say, Germans will be Germans.

I laughed, I cried. And then I was just crying.

So I won't tell you where I'm going to be working, but I can tell you it's not Bank of America/ MBNA. Still that didn't help with the icky feeling I got after watching this clip, celebrating the merger of the two companies making them the largest issuer of Credit Cards in the US.





Within the first minute I was actually cackling with laughter, and then I was like, oh wait, I am almost kind of tangentially a part of this very strange world.

Things that would have made this song better:

1. Dude, I can't believe they missed, "You've got to, carry that balance, carry that balance."

2. I kept waiting for Bono to show up and scissor kick one of those guys to the head.

Seriously, you have to watch this. I laughed so hard I peed. I don't even know where to begin.

Update: Ah! Where's my funny little video clip? Am I getting the kibash by Bank of America? Bite you, B of A! Know what's in my wallet? A JP Morgan Chase Amazon.com Visa card, that's what! Well, as much as I hate Gawker, you can still watch the video there, last time I checked.