Well, now that I've let the suspense build up, I guess I can go ahead and let you know that I did not perish at my corporate mandated afternoon of hell, I mean, paintball. Didn't mean to keep you on pins and needles, but it's been very busy for me- taking on new responsibilities and challenges at work, I've had a lot of friends from out of town visiting me, I had to train the helper monkey to take over some basic tasks when I lost function due to paintball related injuries, I got better and had to have the monkey put to sleep- you know how it goes.
Some people have asked me, "Was paintball what you were expecting?" No, it was worse. Let me remind you, I wasn't in someone's backyard decked out in our Wal-Mart finest shooting at a sugar high 13-year old birthday party platoon- I was at a paintball operation/ possible meth lab in the woods of East Pensyltucky that took itself very seriously with an entire firm of wound-up, highly competitive Midtown traders and analysts and a CEO kind enough to pay the supplement so that everyone would be supplied with two paint grenades and each team could have eight smoke bombs in their arsenal.
Others have asked me, "Should I play paintball if I have the opportunity?" Well, here is the question I would ask you: Would you like to experience war as something that can be trivialized as a pay-by-the hour entertainment commodity? If so, then you should look into it. And bring a sports bra.
My manager said to me, "Would you like to go again?," to which I could only respond with, "Have you been listening to a single thing I've said?!!??"
And I think that will be it for my discussion of paintball, for the full story you'll have to read the book I'm "writing" or take me out and get me drunk on pomegranate margaritas.
Oh look, just did a YouTube search and found this video which was shot at the place where I played paintball. As you can see they are trying to stage some kind of commerative Iwo Jima battle, because that makes perfect sense.
And yes, in case you're wondering, I wore the camo fatigues, the face mask and the spare ammo around my waist.
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4 comments:
"Pensyltucky" that kills me.
If you ever make it to Calgary (good god why would you?) I'll take you out and feed you pmagranit martinis.
So how did you enjoy my home town?
There are two ns in Pennsyltucky by the way.
Paint ball is awesome. I played it senior week at college and some dude shot toby point blank in the back. It left welts.
Do you remember my Mike and Adam paintball experience? With the bone deep hole in my shin that I tried to hide with a bandaid from my father so he wouldnt kill them?
Yes, Princess, I 100% remember that and thought of it often dring the run up to the ordeal. I don't belive I was there for the episode in question, but I think the story goes that one of them held you down while the other one shot you point blank. Bone-chilling.
For those of you keeping score at home, I was shot in the shoulder, the thumb (at first I thought it was broken or dislocated); and all up my right side, including my fluffy ass. In the last game, I had the good fortune to "die" by an exlpoding paint grendade, which while disguisting, does not actually hurt.
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