Friday, July 22, 2005

Have you met my significant other?

On the same day I purchased my lovely power drill at Target, I also purchased a folding laundry hamper. This seemed like a pretty straightforward proposition: get it home, take it out of the box, unfold it, velcro in the basket and away we go. So imagine my surprise when I took it out of the box and it was in 48 pieces. According to the instructions, the only tools required were a Philips Head Screwdriver and the "Total Assembley Time" was half an hour. And those were the sum total of the words on the Instruction Sheet.

Day One
As my Power Drill is charging, I sit on the floor with my screwdriver, the instructions, and all 48 pieces of my $19.99 folding laundry hamper. The instructions, in the current fashion, are entirely in pictograph form. This has got to stop. Please, give me some words. I don't even care what language they're in. But I'm begging you, as a person who scored significantly higher on there Verbal section of the SAT than the Math section, please, throw me a freakin' bone. I screw away until my little wrists ache and it becomes clear that I have made quite a clusterfuck of this little project. Disgusted, I give up.

Day Two
My power drill is fully charged and ready to go. Using the reverse feature, I am able to undo the damage I had wrought on Day One in about a fraction of the time it took the day before. Back to square one, I reach for the Girl Scout Cookies and contemplate the pictographs again. You've got to be kidding me.

Day Three
I draw strength from the mastery of my power drill. God, he's beautiful. Earlier in the night I used him to hang a magnetic shelf above my bookcase. Deciding that the only chance I have of assembling the hamper is to ignore the instructions and just have faith in my power screwdriver, I blast Ben Folds and get busy. In ten minutes the whole thing is assembled and sitting in my closet.

I'm beginning to feel that with this drill all things are possible and the resulting empowerment, well, it's making the need to find a lifemate seem a lot less ... urgent. All I'm saying is, if you plan on sending Cupcake an invitation anytime soon that says "and guest", don't be surprised if I show up with my drill. I think I'll name him Bruce.

1 comment:

A said...

seriously i'd pee my pants if i got a knit goodie, but then again i don't deserve such nice things. I'm not worthy!!