Makes you Want to Re-Evaluate Billie Jean's Charge

I can't say I was following the Michael Jackson case very closely, but does this verdict seem a little fishy to anyone else?

Steve Hofstetter writes about the outcome in his new column "Smooth Criminal". He makes excellent points such as, if Michael Jackson's behavior isn't against the law, perhaps we need some new laws. Some proposals on Hofstetter's part include "if a grown man who owns a monkey sleeps in the same bed as anyone not related to them or said monkey, it will be assumed the activity was not platonic. Loopholes include the monkey's trainer when the monkey is frightened during a thunderstorm" and "you may only have as many exotic animals as gold records. When you stop producing gold records, you must stop purchasing llamas". Complete column here.

If this whole thing leaves you feeling unsatisfied and a little dirty, why not take another page out of Hofstetter's book and make a donation to Prevent Child Abuse?

Writes Hofstetter, "I'm awfully glad that America was so outraged about half of Janet Jackson's breast exposed for two seconds on television. She's the real problem in that family." Writes Cupcake, "Word".