Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Why is this bear still alive?

I thought we all agreed that the Germans were going to finish the job Mother Nature started and send it to the great ice floe in the sky. Did Angela Merkel pardon the bear? I always suspected she was soft on crime. This is why women should not be heads of state.

Now, I'm not saying Germany is a slow news country, but every day there is two new stories about this bear cub.

Shares in the Berlin Zoo stock have risen
94% since Knutgate. Every idiot with a YouTube uplink has made a song, video montage/ mash-up celebrating the kleiner Eisbaer. And most importantly, Haribo, monster Gummibear producer ("Haribo macht Kinder froh und Erwachsene ebenso") has announced plans to add "a Knut-shaped design to its range of jelly-bear sweets. “We are reacting to a strong demand from parents and children,” said Marco Alfter, a Haribo spokesman." Well, I guess that makes about a much sense as these top selling Haribo products. Happy Cola; represent.

Greenpeace is using the Knut's name and image. Also, the It-guy will appear in the new German Vanity Fair. He's also on a new ATM card. Which makes it all the more troubling that the soft, furry little guy has been accused of conspiracy to commit murder. True to it. Celebrity polar bear Knut blamed for death of gentle panda Yan Yan.

Cute Knut has been cleared of the murder charges for now, but the he's what, like five months old? Already his life story reads like that of Jack Nicholson, Tim Allen, Woody Harrelson and Robert Blake. It's only a matter of time before he wobbles into a hair salon, grabs the clippers, shaves himself bald then checks himself in and out of rehab. Sure, he may have been spared the lethal injection, but who among us will be surprised if he overdoses at the Viper Room soon?

Germany, I was expecting better from you.


Anonymous said...

do we need to send a search and rescue team for cupcake?

Cupcake said...

Aw, sweet. I'm still here. I thought my readers were the ones who went AWOL.

Anonymous said...

We're still here, too.