Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Unsolicited Criticism of Your Christmas List

Every year, Pop and I wait to see what Little Brother is going to put on his Christmas list. We anticipate its arrival with a mixture of dread and excitement. One never knows exactly what will be on the list, but you can be sure it will be extensive, expensive and seemingly random, including at least a few items that to my mind at least, no fully formed adult person living outside of beer commercial would request. This year Little Brother sent us the list quite late in the season, so we're doing a bit of scrambling to make the prince's dreams come true. I thought I would post my thoughts on LittleBro's list, but then I thought that perhaps Little Brother doesn't want his wish list to be made a matter of public record, so below I present my itemized critique of Little Brother's Christmas List, omitting of course, the actual list.

1. Who? What?

2. Don't you own enough of these things? Are you actually participating in the NBA draft next season?

3. What brand, level of quality are you looking for? Never mind, I can't afford these any way.

4. a) The British or American version? Which season? Wait, were you aware that before there was an American version, there was a British version?

b) You realize that you were the only person watching this show in prime time, right?

c) Right.

5. Since when have you been a homosexual?

6. Having a nice brand of vodka to offer guests in your home is a nice touch. Learning how to actually spell "vodka" is a prerequisite for the classy element I feel you're striving for here.

7. Done and done.

8. Well, I don't think they make men's dress shirts with horizontal stripes.

9. Size info? You are one size to me: "uh, guy. Guy Size."

Your offer to add to the list in the next few days if you think of anything else was very considerate. How would you feel about a Starbucks gift card and some gently worn paperback novels, excellent candidates for re-gifting?

Here's what I put on my Christmas List this year:

A 4GB iPod Nano, pink of course
A set of full size flannel sheets in purple tones or pale blue
The Knit Picks Options Knitting Needles Set

Does anyone else want to share what's on their list this year?


Lexa said...

2 things: a pink 4 GB nano and an arm band so I can run on the treadmill. TWO THINGS. I told them this is these are things I want and there is no need to get creative. Hopefully we can avoid the catastophe of last year--my mother purchased me a "personal trimmer". No, I am not kidding.

Cupcake said...

Hey, we want the same iPod.

You know, the personal trimmer is not bad for in between eyebrow waxing visits if you're too wussy to pluck like I am. Jus' sayin'.

Bethany said...

I can't resist a call for input from the masses.
My list is small this year because I can't get over demand for creative surprises and a list kind of eliminates that possibility.
1. roller-board suitcase; the small/square kind that people always try to shove in the overhead bin.
2. slippers
3. stuff for knitting. not picky
4. netflix. yes, i need to join the crowd.
5. Bon Apetit subscription...not sure that I need another food magazine though.
6. because my dad gave us a gift card to Smoky Bones 2 years ago, I think I should list some store options: knitpicks, barnes&noble, REI, & amazon.

NancyPearlWannabe said...

I would say I'm pretty easy to shop for; helpful, even. I email people dozens of ideas for gifts that I think they might like to get me. Then I get emails back from The Boy saying things like, "you really want that Puma bag? You know it's made in China, right? It'll fall apart after two uses! Some girls in my office have Coach bags, why don't I just get you one of those?"


But I want Puma! :(

Marlena said...

At least you get a list. Every year at Thanksgiving, I ask my siblings what they would like for Christmas. They hem and haw and every year, somwhere around December 23, they call me to tell me exactly what they want. They preface the request with, "You haven't bought my present yet, have you?" It's a hard cross to bear, being the oldest.

I didn't do lists for years, but my boyfriend asked for one last year, and again this year. Mostly I have books (mostly knitting), video games, and tv shows on dvd. But I also put on a car coat from L.L. Bean and an awesome sewing machine table.

Joshua said...

What's Christmas? Har, har.

I asked for two CDs and a Edward Gorey calendar. I'm gonna buy a nice bottle of scotch with some chanukah money.

claire said...

i realize that when my mom asked me what i wanted and i replied, "oh, i don't know, money to help pay for the istanbul trip?" i was not being helpful. i'm sure she got me some socks. and maybe (please!) the full "His Majesty's Dragon" series. don't judge. i like dragons.

Joshua said...

I like dragons too! We have so much in common.

I pretty much told family to just give me money. I also asked for a new comforter, because once you start grad school it's like being in college again and you need people to buy you things you used to be able to buy yourself. It's actually sorta fun. Party!

Dawn Z(ed) said...

NancyPearlWannabe: Never turn down a Coach bag. Ever.

Cupcake: #4, The British version is so much better than that US version imo. You should get him the UK version just to be a brat.

The only thing I want for Christmas is a hug from my parents, which I will get when they pick me up from the airport. Sappy, yes, but no less true. The less presents I get the less hassle it is for me to get home again.

Anonymous said...

We will have every Hizbollah women fucked by dogs.
We will send Phallus of ours into ass of All priests moslems.
We will have Khamenei and Rafsanjani and Ahmadinejad and Khatami and Akbar Ganji fucked by a great penis Of donkey and whale .
We will fuck all foreign government which help mullah.
کیر سگ تو کس ننه سید اولاد پیغمبر و کس ننه خود پیامبر اسلام.
کیر خوک تو کس ننه امام حسین.
کیر خر تو کس ننه شیعیان.
صلوات: الله و کیر خر تو کس ننه محمد و آل محمد.
This is a beautiful cultural message for you.