You Know What I Mean

Today, I told my German Tutor, "I just fucked my telephone."

We had just started my lesson and I could hear the phone at my desk ringing. Sometimes, if I'm not there to answer it, it will ring off the hook. So I excused myself, went to my desk and forwarded my phone. Then I returned at told my tutor, in German, "It's okay, I just fucked my telephone." She looked at me. "Wait, was that the right word?" Now clearly she knew that was not what I meant to say, but she also had no idea what it was that I was trying to say. And possibly, in the back of her mind she was thinking, well, she was gone for two minutes, I don't actually know what she was up to, maybe she really did...

"I don't think that's what you meant to say," she said.

"Oh no," I said. "Forwarded my phone! I meant to say I forwarded my phone!"

"Do you know what you said?"

"No, I don't think I want to know." Then she explained that I had used a vulgar variant of the verb "to fuck". Who knew it could get more vulgar than that one? I actually felt a little embarassed. I bet now she's wondering, where did Cupcake hear that word? Is she renting German porn? (The answer is no, by the way. )

Later we were talking about a coworker's haircut and I asked her what the German word for bangs is. The word is "Pony". No joke. That seemed a little strange, because really, how many German words do you know that end in "y"? Then she told me a story about a German friend of hers who lives in the States. She went to the Hair Dresser and using her best English asked for a trim then told the Stylist "And I would like a small pony." I bet that Stylist was confused. 'Damn, did we hang the free pony with every haircut sign in the window again? I hate these promotions.' I think that from now on, whenever I order something I'm going to add "And I would like a small pony."