Tuesday, February 21, 2006

You Know What I Mean

Today, I told my German Tutor, "I just fucked my telephone."

We had just started my lesson and I could hear the phone at my desk ringing. Sometimes, if I'm not there to answer it, it will ring off the hook. So I excused myself, went to my desk and forwarded my phone. Then I returned at told my tutor, in German, "It's okay, I just fucked my telephone." She looked at me. "Wait, was that the right word?" Now clearly she knew that was not what I meant to say, but she also had no idea what it was that I was trying to say. And possibly, in the back of her mind she was thinking, well, she was gone for two minutes, I don't actually know what she was up to, maybe she really did...

"I don't think that's what you meant to say," she said.

"Oh no," I said. "Forwarded my phone! I meant to say I forwarded my phone!"

"Do you know what you said?"

"No, I don't think I want to know." Then she explained that I had used a vulgar variant of the verb "to fuck". Who knew it could get more vulgar than that one? I actually felt a little embarassed. I bet now she's wondering, where did Cupcake hear that word? Is she renting German porn? (The answer is no, by the way. )

Later we were talking about a coworker's haircut and I asked her what the German word for bangs is. The word is "Pony". No joke. That seemed a little strange, because really, how many German words do you know that end in "y"? Then she told me a story about a German friend of hers who lives in the States. She went to the Hair Dresser and using her best English asked for a trim then told the Stylist "And I would like a small pony." I bet that Stylist was confused. 'Damn, did we hang the free pony with every haircut sign in the window again? I hate these promotions.' I think that from now on, whenever I order something I'm going to add "And I would like a small pony."

6 comments:

Schwelmo said...

Hi I love ya blog. Its funny. Bin Deutscher und lebe in NZ. So I really like the language/culture bits. I am sure you would not learn much German from German porn movies... or anything else for that matter. But it brings you bad luck if you open your bd presents to early, whereas the bad weather thing , if you haven finished your plate is a myth!

Cupcake said...

Kleine Schwelmo, du bist aber weit von Sesam Strasse, oder? I like your blog because your written English reminds me of my German friend's English (which is teriffic, so much better than my German).

AJWP said...

Cupcake, I live for your stories about mangling German. And I really live for Schwelmo's blog--it reminds me of MY German friend's English, too. I'd forgotten how she always said she was "getting" a certain age rather than "turning" a certain age until I read Schwelmo's post about his birthday. Nice!

Cupcake said...

It's true, without Germans I am nothing. I like how G4 used to say "make sex" instead of "have sex". Adorable.

AJWP said...

Or "make a party" rather than "throw a party." I love it, I really do.

Grace said...

American living in Deutschland, got here by long and meandering route from BitchPhD. I'm always terrified when I talk about birds that I'll end up saying something hideously vulgar. As for German words ending in "y", how about "das Baby"?