International Relations

How to make a foreign visitor feel welcome in your office.

Things I have said/done to G2 today:

Given him the finger (once).

Called his extension and hung up (twice).

"G2, you know that in a street fight between us, that I would win, right?"

"Maybe if you can't get transferred here, you could get a job in New York as a shop clerk. You could work at Prada with all the other Pretty Boys."

Upon walking into the back room and having him sing to me the Lionel Richie song Hello, "G2, that is like the worst song ever. Also, that song came out when I was a baby."

Things G2 has said/done to me today:

Called my extension and hung up (five times).

Played peekaboo with me from behind the wastebasket.

Makes fun of my accent in English (twice).

"Wow. Your ignorance is really impressive!"

"What is wrong with your nose?"

International Dialogues:

"No, we are not important."
"Don't be silly. Germany is very important. You are the major player in the European Union."
"I know. I just wanted to hear you say it."

"We are we going for lunch? The Meat Box?"
"No, you are confusing The Press Box and the Meat Packing District. The Meat Box is what sits on top of your neck."

Fighting over who will pay the bill at lunch, I got my hands on it first:
"Nancy, come on, give it to me."
"No. Lunch is on me." I whisk the check away, under my plate.
"You can put the check anywhere. But I will get it."
"Anywhere?"
"Yes." pause, laughter. "Well, go on, put it someplace else."
"No, you buttface."
"What is a buttface? Nancy, come on!" G2 gets out of his chair and a scuffle ensues. Elbows are thrown, but I maintain possession of the check. G2 makes a grab for my wallet, but is shamed by the stares of our strung out waitress and returns to his seat. Victory is mine.

They should really make me ambassador of something.