God Does Not Want Me To Go To Starbucks;

I am not listening.

This morning as I was standing in Starbucks, waiting for my drink order (tall iced hazelnut latte), I saw a giant, giant, 2.5 inch cockroach skitter across the floor. At least two other women saw this little fucker, but we were powerless to do anything, it was as if our vocal cords were seized with disgust. One woman turned to me and whispered, "Did you see that??", but all I could do nod my head with my mouth open. Amazingly, you could tell what all three women in this case were thinking, "God, please let this be a caffeine-draught related hallucination. Soon that high-octane Seattle's mother's milk will splash against my tonsils, my vision will come into focus and this will not have happened."

Soon the other two women collected their drinks and left so I was the only one still standing around when I saw the indolent bastard return, this time climbing up the wall. Oh that I had been quicker on the draw with my camera phone! By now I could be halfway to a multi-million dollar settlement with The Big S. Alas, I remain poor.

Also, there was a woman in line reading a Jennifer Aniston biography. That was kinda gross too.