Cupcake, Part of the Problem

To borrow a phrase from my friend Rachel McGreggy-o: Cupcake, part of the problem [since 1981].

I ran into MuppetLover on the train this morning and we had a nice chat. That makes it a special, double MuppetLover day since she is coming to Daily Heights Happy Hour with me tonight, which now looks like it will commence at Brownstone Billards, so nybt and Carnivore can finally put the smack talk to bed and have their bar games triathalon. I also invited SuperSkater to come tonight and throw spitballs at daveb as he sinks further into intoxication, but no word back. So, as we were parting ways at Union Square this morning MuppetLover said, "I can't wait to see the flak you're going to get on your blog when you tell people you didn't vote. You're going to tell people right?"

"No!"

"Okay, well, I won't tell them, but come on, you know you want to."

"Yeah, you're right." And really, maybe this will be a good form of pennance for me to take, because you see, I didn't actually vote in the election yesterday, after urging all of you to do so. And I feel like shit about it.

Why I Didn't Vote in Yesterday's Election or I am an Asshole, a Multipart Series

[note: this post is not meant to excuse my behavior at all. Everyone should vote. I am an asshole]

Background A: Last week, when I told Frau Foxtrot and GOTM that we hold our elections on Tuesdays, and they said that was the stupidest theing they ever heard of, I admitted that it was a little stupid, but it wasn't really a big deal, you just go and vote before or after work.

Background B: I am still registered to vote in Park Slope, my old neighborhood. I vote at John Jay High School on 7th Avenue. I have voted there twice and enjoyed it. I would change my registration to my new neighborhood, but MommyCakes assures me that the instant I do this, I will get Jury Duty.

Background C: Everyone remember Princess of Darkness, my crunky-ass ex-roommate? Well, she still lives in Park Slope. And, she owes me money. From the utility bills for July. Now, granted, this is not a huge sum of money, but I am really not in any position to be forgiving any debts here, you know? So, after I moved out I asked for the money and POD didn't have it. So I gave her some time, a month or two, and started asking for it. She said she mailed a check to my new apartment, but it never came. So, I started telling her again, you need to send me a check.

"Oh wow", she said. "The check I sent got returned in the mail to me. I must have your address wrong. Give it to me again." So I gave her my address again. Of course, the check never arrived. POD would call to ask, "Did you get the check?" but of course, if she looked at her bank account, which I now believe she never does, she would know that I did not cash the check.
However the most important thing is never, ever to answer the phone when POD calls. Because she is crazy and annoying and will not get off the phone with you. Ever. She will just talk and talk about things you do not care about. Also, she will look for any tiny opening to reenter your life. She makes a parasitic tapeworm's effort to latch onto you look half-hearted. So screening your calls is key here.

So I had to start emailing again. I did not get the check! So POD said, "Are you sure you gave me you address correctly?". In fact, I am not sure of my address, because I tie a long piece of twine to my door knob and tie the other end to my coat and that is how I find my way home at the end of the day. So then I gave POD my work address. She sent a new check and it arrived in two days. I was very happy and deposited the check.

In the meantime, POD ran into LaHipster and told her, "Oh my God, can you believe how totally crazy Nancy is being about this stupid check?". This is November. This is money she owes me from July. So the next day I was very unsurprised to see that the Princess of Darkness's check had bounced and my bank charged me ten bucks for a returned check fee. This makes the little vein in Cupcake's forehead pulse.