Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Sisterly Advice, Cut and Paste

On Monday Little Brother started his new job and essentially his grown-up life. He says he has no idea what he is doing, but the people are really nice, which is basically all you can ask for from a new job, I think. I'm putting together an email for him with all the wisdom I've learned from my time in the working world. If any of you are big siblings and find yourselves in the position of giving a pep talk, and you can't be bothered to come up with an original thought, feel free to crib from Cupcake.

Congratulations Bro,

I'm so proud of you. Let me share with you the words of wisdom Dad gave to me when I first started my career, "Don't screw this up." Now that that is out of the way, perhaps I can pass along some of my own wisdom.

Remember, I got my current job by greatly exagerating my capabilities and then faking it big time for the first two or three months. Just concentrate on the things you know how to do, and do them well. And be on time. Then, whenever someone asks you to do something you have no idea how to do, nod your head and say yes; as soon as their back is turned, hit up Google, Microsoft Excel Tutorials, Phone a Friend, anything to get it done. Use all your life lines. Operate on the assumption that no one really wants to fire you, it would just make for a lot of paperwork and headaches, that should give you the confidence to take initiative and not be afraid of risks.

Also, an office is like high school. You're going to get a reputation and once you have one it is going to be hard to shake. Do you want to be known as "good guy, hard worker", or a slimey ass-wipe who shags all the Temps? Always assume someone is reading your emails; chance are someone is.

This should go without saying, so I hope you won't find it patronizing if I repeat it, but always be nice to the secretaries and receptionists, no matter how fat/ugly/stupid/spacey you think they are. These women often wield enormous behind the scenes power and may be helpful if you need a favor. Likewise, be nice to the housekeeping/janitorial staff. You never know when you might need some help with discreet stain removal. I'm not kidding. Just be nice in general.

Okay, that's enough to start with. Soon you'll be making more money than me. Remember your ol' Sis. That is, if you don't screw this up.

1 comment:

VBeta said...

Beautiful. You have a way with words. My little bro. graduates in May which is kind of scary. I will definitely steal your lines in about 5 years when he gets his first job. Shit, that was mean of me.
p.s. I hate when the word verification is just a jumble of letters and doesn't resemble a word because it makes me feel stupid as I clumsily try to recopy it. It doesn't flow from my fingers into the keyboard and I end up punching one at a time. this time: ffgvhj.