eDiscord

The thing about dating is, you have to try. This is the part my friends don't understand. You see, before this recent break I used to be a very prolific dater. My friends would complain that they hadn't been on a date in years. "Well, are you making an effort? Are you even trying?" I would ask.

"Well, no."

Yeah, that's the first step. See, we ladies may be gaining on equality, but for some reason when it comes to dating, many still expect the guys to do the heavy lifting. I know that just announcing your return to dating does not bring the menfolk a runnin' so I decided I might as well actually try.

I have an old profile on Match.com, but I never had much luck with the guys I met from Match. BuyMeADrink Whiner, Mr. Byzantine and the TsunamiEaring Guy were all Match Bachelors. So I decided this time around to just start peeking at Craig's List which has one important virtue: it's free. In the lexicon of twenty-something New York life, Craig's List is synonymous with "riff-raff", but again, it's free. So, I start looking through the listings of men looking for women last night, and as usual most of them are garbage. Then I came to one posted by a 27 year old guy who wanted to get it out of the way upfront ... that he wears diapers. "Mostly just at night" and "as a precautionary measure" and, this was the scary thing, I was actually thinking, "well, okay, I guess that's reasonable." Then his ad went on to say that actually, he enjoyed wearing them and was looking for a woman who would also enjoy this aspect of his life and possibly enjoy changing him. I let out an oath that was probably a bit much for the Starbucks crowd around me and closed the computer screen. That's enough Craig's List for one night.

Now what? I think I consented to letting myself be fixed up at the POD's birthday party Saturday night, but since the set-up is the work of a person who is responsible for leaving peanut shells in the toilet (I am totally serious) I didn't want to leave this endeavor in her hands. So, since I'd already paid freakin' t-mobile for an hour on online wi-fi time, I decided to check out eHarmony.

Generally, I make fun of eHarmony because of their whole hokey "soulmates" thing. I mean, I'm sure it's fine, but it seems more like a dating service for older people who want to get married. Next week, if possible. I'm 24- I'm not looking to get married, I'm not looking for my soulmate, I just wanna go out and have a good time, you know? But, I know a few people my age who have used eHarmony and met some unhorrible people [that is how GrahamCracker met that sweet guy who had the audacity to wear short sleeves on the first date, I'm not really sure how that ended up, but he seemed like a prince].

Then I looked at the eHarmony subscription rates and I figured, forget soulmates, for that much money I hope eHarmony is planning on chipping in for the wedding. About eHarmony: these people are serious. As in, there is not a lot of room for humour. Rather, they are convinced that they are going to compile everything they need to know about you by making you check random boxes and respond to such chestnuts as "Who, besides your parents, has had the greatest influence on your life?". In fact, their personality profile was rather reminiscent of taking the SATs. But, and we're getting to my favorite word again, filing out the personal profile was free.

So, I'm totally unsure of how I will proceed but it will either be
A) Allow eHarmony to psychoanalyze me and let the soulmates start rolling in;
B) Go back to Craig's List and see if there are any potty-trained adults avaliable.
C) Swim as fast as I can back to the sides and claw my way out of the dating pool, content to just keep splashing around a little while longer.

Stay tuned.