Because you were selling cupcakes in New York City before it was en vogue.
Because you're on Letterman every other week.
Because you're the cutest muffin ever and all you want to do is fug yourself up.
Because you love crafts but were crazy before inhaling all that Modge Podge.
Because you get to do projects with Stephen Colbert and Todd Oldham.
Because we secretly want a gay big brother to take us to all the best taxidermy shops in Paris instead of one who says, "What? Were you talking to me? Can you not see the game is on?"
Because rolling around naked in a pile of candy sprinkles is exactly the kind of photo shoot we'd like to have.
Because if we ever wrote a book about entertaining, it would probably read a lot like this.
