Sunday, October 07, 2007

The Over/Under

Things I need less of in my life:

Well, I could do without another October week with temperatures exceeding 80 degrees. Okay Al Gore, we get. You were right, we were wrong. Can you call off Global warming now?

Maserati has parked two cars in the main concourse of Grand Central Terminal in some kind of publicity/charity stunt, thereby creating more gawking pedestrian traffic during rush hour. It makes me want to put my smudgy fingerprints all over them, provided I could actually get close enough to the cars. There's probably a sniper at Metrazur waiting to pick off the heavy breathers in danger of befouling the $100,000 machines.

Buyer Beware. Doritos food science technicians, I must salute you. You had a dream, a dream to create a neon orange spicy snack chip. Well, in the words of George W. Bush, "Mission accomplished." I hadn't purchased a bag of Doritos in ages, but the other day in the grocery store, I decided to pick one up - a decision most likely driven by stress and hormones. I wanted to try a new flavor. I knew enough to stay away from the new Doritos in the black bag with the "XXX" on it, I believe this flavor is called "Death", but I purchased the "Fiery Habenero" bag. Yeah, that was probably not a good idea. They were barely edible. My nose began to run. I think I cried a little. I kept thinking why? Why all of this science and technology applied to making a snack chip that is unpleasant to eat? Cure MS for God's sake. Anyway, the Met Food on Vanderbilt Avenue is not know for stocking a wide variety of choices, but a quick look at the Doritos Website has revealed many new flavors I have never seen before. Doritos, you're done, you did it! Please, start a new project now.

I took a suit to the tailor's on Saturday morning before heading to the Brooklyn Public Library and Stitch Therapy to pick up a gift for Fryolator. It's the same place on Flatbush that altered my pink elephant dress for MuppetLover's wedding. They did a good job with the dress, so I thought I would bring over the new suit I bought at Lee Lee's last weekend. In addition to the usual hem of the pants and shortening of the jacket sleeves that is de rigeur for practically everything I buy, I also decided to have the jacket taken in a bit because it was big in the back. The reconstruction would require moving a few buttons as well. I don't really have a suit I like to wear - I have a fancy Anne Klein suit I bought last year when I was interviewing for jobs, but I don't think it fits me well. Also, when it came time to have that one altered, I took it to the dry cleaner's across the street from me and they did a terrible job with the sleeves. So I was anticipating spending some money on this suit in hopes that I would finally have something that fits me well. After the tailor pinned me in and I removed the suit, the woman handed me the ticket and asked when I would like to pick up the work. I said Thursday would be fine. Then as I walked out of the shop, I looked at the ticket she had given me. The total cost of the alterations came to $73.00. Seventy three bucks! That is half of what the suit cost! Is he going to sew magical powers into the cuffs? Christ.

Things I need more of in my life:

My Brother


1 comment:

Marlena said...

Good lord! I could not even navigate the Doritos site! Does this mean I'm old and/or out of touch?