Thursday, February 08, 2007

Justice for Robbie.

photos tk, promise...

To the very nice couple I met at TomatoRed's birthday party on Friday night:

Remember when I was telling you about Robbie the Rubber Band Ball Boy? Well, actually I was telling everyone at the party about my new friend Robbie the Rubber Band Ball, my genial office companion with the Post-It Note face. But you made a point of telling me that I was only setting myself up, that if I made a big deal of my relationship with Robbie, cooing to him, petting him as I worked, that eventually my co-workers would perpetrate some nefarious deed. And I said, no, I made such a big deal about how Robbie was my second friend in the office, number two out of two, and since they couldn't see their way clear about befriending me I had taken on a very fulfilling relationship with a 15 pound rubber band ball and therefore they would never tamper with him. I said if any harm came to him I'd have to quit on the spot and have some kind of Jerry Maguire-like meltdown. Do you remember that, gentle unnamed party guest couple of the corner of the couch?

Well, the first attack happened Monday night. When I came in Tuesday morning and cast my eyes on his face, I gasped. They beat him up. X-ed out his eyes just like in the cartoons and gave him a bruise. His beautiful blue eyes were gone! I did have a flip out, but I did not tender my resignation. Instead I asked why everyone was so mean, and announced that I was much too cool to be working there. Then I began wildly accusing people. Eventually I performed a face transplant, but when I got back from lunch he was wearing glasses and a moustache. Also, they smudged his lips, so they looked bloody. I then announced that Robbie and I would not be driven from this den of jackals and we would stay and fight. I am hunting down the perpetrators and hatching a plan for revenge.

Robbie has since appeared in drag and come to be known as "Sobbie." I refuse to lock him in the drawer at night. We will not let the terrorists win.


MCMCMCLY said...

Have you stopped seeing your specialist?

claire said...

i think you could use this as a way to bond with your office-mates. everyone can think of fun costumes for robbie. don't look at it as mutilation, look at it as a group activity that is fun.

and hilarious that he was in drag as "sobbie".