Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Someone Didn't Get Hugged Enough as a Child

So David Blaine, right, that guy, is submerging himself in a tank of water for a couple of months or something and I'm supposed to be all jazzed up about this. A special aquarium designer was brought in to consult on the tank and had to nix all the really cool ideas. Like the sharks. And the fish. And that dye you put in a swimming pool so you can tell when someone piddled in the shallow end.

I went to the David Blaine website and there is a section entitled "musings" wherein you can read the deep thoughts that occur to Dave-o while he's chilling in the block of ice or what have you. I read one that said, "The most courageous act a man can do is cry." Wrong again, Dave. The most courageous thing a man can do is run through a swarm of killer bees to snatch a honey-covered infant from the clutches of a raging black bear. Am I right? And he's in! A mask and air line will keep Blaine alive, while food will be provided through a tube

I don't get it. Or rather, I "get" that people so starved for a spiritual connection that they need to buy into these stunts and get all tingly at the thought of sending David a "message of hope" ; I get that people have become so impervious to their surroundings and the natural beauty of the world that the only thing that gets through to them is a self-agrandizing third-tier celebrity in a salt water bubble. Dave, why don't you ask some of those Katrina survivors how fun it is to tread water for a couple of days while wondering if you're going to live or die?

So, will I be swinging by to see this spectacle? No. Because it's on the west side, you see; maybe if it were on the way home from work ... but, no. Fortunately for those of you who want more in depth hilarious coverage, someone already wrote a great blog post about it.

Look, I don't know either why this post is so bitchy. I just read the transcript of Steven Colbert's performance at the White House Correspondents' Diner and it sounds inspired and uproarious to me.

1 comment:

Janet said...

What do you say to him when you see him anyway?

"How's the water buddy?"


"So, uh, to you have a girlfriend or anything?"


I think I'll pass.