This is what New York City's famous Halloween Parade in the Village looks like if you're 4'11".

GermanoftheMonth and I went down to the parade last night with NewGuy and his wife, Mrs.NewGuy. At first there was a bit of a pissing match, because both GOTM and NewGuy had firm convictions about where the best spot to see the parade was. In actuality, there is no good spot to see the parade unless, 1) you get to the parade route at two in the afternoon to stake out a spot, or 2) you bring your handy step ladder down town with you. Although we saw people around us who had adhered to these stradegies, we, the unknowing, were left to fend for ourselves. Periodically while "watching" the parade we would hear a huge crashing noise and this would mean that someone who had climbed up on a building scaffolding to get a better view had fallen. Hope it was worth it!

About the only thing I got to see well was a float that went by with some mostly naked dancers grinding away on it. I only got a good view of this because the large Asian tourist standing next to me used the zoom-in feature on his video camera to follow these girl's ass cracks down the parade route long after the float had passed. I was watching in the monitor to see if there would be any exposed nipples, but the guy was obviously an ass man.

Speaking of that, Mrs.NewGuy whispered to me at one point, "I'm getting felt up from behind."

"Well, I hope for your sake it's your husband."

"Do you want to trade places with me?"

"Look, lady, I don't know what you've heard about me..."

"I don't think it is my husband, that's the problem."

"So you want me to switch spots with you?"

"Well, you're eligible. I'm married!" It's nice the way married people think, eh? "You! You're single! Surely you won't mind having your tush felt up by an unseen stranger in a crowd! Hell, you'd probably like it! I'm doing you a favor, you sad single person!"