Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Party Math

Last Saturday, I went to bburg's house for a party. [Note to anyone who clicks on the link: do not be alarmed. I did not actually eat any beets. I have my reputation to think about. I just ate cake and cookies. And drank booze mixed with peach juice.] It was very nice; bburg's friends were quite lovely.

I was sitting next to a guy who was interesting and nice. I could tell he was older than me, but then, most people at the party were. So, he was talking about being in college, and then he casually mentioned, "this was in 1985." For the rest of the night, I was operating on 25% of normal Cupcake brain power. I kept thinking, this guy was in college in 1985. What does that mean?

I wanted to figure out the age difference between us, but there were a few problems. One: math has never been my strongest suit, especially not when I'm drinking. Two: he didn't say "I started college in 1985" or "I graduated college in 1985", I only knew that in 1985 he was probably 18 - 22 years old. Three: I couldn't committ to a problem-solving strategy. This is how my poor little sugar frosted brain was working it:

Let's say he was 19 in 1985, that would mean he was born in ... well, I was born in 1981, so in 1985 I was 4 ... and I graduated college in 2003, so when I was 19 it was 2000? So 2000 minus 1985 is 15. Wow, this guy graduated college when he was 15! He must be like a genius! No wait.

There was also a guy at the party who was newly divorced. I should not be allowed to socialize with divorced people because I clearly do not know how to interact with them. To be fair, divorced guy mentioned his wife and he mentioned that he was newly single, so I just asked him, "So, you've recently been through a divorce?"

"Yes," he said. "It's almost over." And then, because I am a moron and didn't know what else to say, I said, "So, how's that goin'?" The guy at the other end of the couch looked at me like, I can't believe you just said, 'Your divorce, how's that goin'?'. I made a face like, 'help, I was four years old when that guy over there was in college! I should not be expected to know how to mingle with divorced people!'

DivorcedGuy said something like, "Bad. It's pretty bad. I mean, once it was good, but now its very bad." Then the guy at the other end of the couch changed the subject and told DivorcedGuy he sounded like Fran Drescher. I said, "What the hell is wrong with you??!"

DivorcedGuy said, "Um, I have to go say hello to [the friend he came in with]", got up and went into the kitchen, presumably to sob or hide. I turned to guy on the other end of the couch, "Wow, that was some really bad work on our part."


Tiffany said...

Oh. My. God! I think you and I must be long lost sisters!

I am seriously not allowed to go unchaperoned to parties where there is small talk involving people that don't know me.

Especially if there is drinking involved.

There was a memorable incident of "blonde furry".

Also, I might have spent roughly 3 hours explaining to this super nice girl that another guest at the party was a total sleaze. You guessed it - his date.

In my defense he LEFT HER at a party on their SECOND date where she knew no one. And he tried to grope me in the kitchen.

bbrug said...

Yeah, but who was that divorced guy? I'd never met him before--and still didn't meet him, in fact, on this occasion. The friend who brought him didn't introduce us. Harrumph.

The ancient crust of a man you were talking with is Bruno, who likes to make a big deal about being older than everyone. He's, um, 38, I think? Same age as my brother. And his girlfriend, who was terribly, terribly young when they started going out, must now be about thirty. (You didn't miss her; she was not at the party.) I heard from another inmate of that couch that he was dorking it up pretty hard there for a while. Were you okay?

Cupcake said...

Not at all. I rather liked Bruno. He was nice to me. And interesting. And only the first of two people that night to bring on the Rhode Island political corruption/mafia connection.

That DivorcedGuy was very giggly considering...

Satorical said...

Being divorced makes you weird, and being a raw nerve makes you forget that part of your job as a gentleman is to make other people feel comfortable. Generally, the best thing to do is nod politely, ask if you can refill his drink, and slip away quietly. Caveat: divorced guys are incredibly easy...

bbrug said...

I didn't mean to imply that Bruno's not nice; he can be very charming. But he can also be a raging dorkbore, and not everyone has a taste for that. Did the conversation really turn to D&D, or did I just mishear?

Cupcake said...

Satorical, speakest thou from experience?

I don't know about D+D, but Bruno and the guy with the Harry Potter glasses started talking about Pokemon and that's when I got up and switched couches.