Say It Ain't So, Cookie.

Breaking News from Dessert Land: First, let me point out that so far, this story has been sent to me by two cupcakes, T-Diddy and Mondolicious (who cited the incident as "Cookiegate"). Friends know Cupcake very well. Now for the headline: COOKIE MONSTER TO EAT FEWER COOKIES.

Wha???

To gel with Sesame Street's objective this year of promoting healthier habits in children, Cookie Monster will learn that cookies are a "sometimes food." Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, who has filmed Public Service Spots teaching Elmo how to exercise by jumping up and down (bet the MD came in handy for that one; by the way, anyone who actually has children will tell you that the last thing they want is for the kiddies to be doing more jumping around) had this to say on the subject, "His sage advice opened our eyes to the simple joys of a tasty cookie and now reminds us that moderation is the key to healthy living." Frist, I think you might be taking Cookie, essentially an electric blue throw rug with dislocated pupils, a bit too seriously; but kudos on being the first person I know of to refer to one of my favorite monsters as "sage". Remember, we are talking about a monster that has been known to eat a few plates in his zeal to scarf all the cookies.

In addition to learning moderation, Cookie will also be snacking on healthier cookies as opposed to his standard chocolate chip. Now, Cupcake loves children and wants all children to be happy and healthy, but give me a freakin' break here. Why not point out to Elmo that he's naked? We could teach shame, I mean, modesty to the little fella by putting some pants on him. In addition to teaching healthy eating habits and the importance of exercise, the Street will also be stepping up lessons on hygeine. That's going to be a tough one, guys. I'd love to see the song "Boogers may live in your nose, but they don't belong in your mouth."

Look, despite the fact that twenty years later, "C is for Cookie" still runs through my head with very little prompting, I also remember such classics as "Captain Vegetable". Remember? He gently educates Andy (candy) and "My name is Eddie, I like spaghetti" with "It is I, Captain Vegetable, with my carrots and celery..." Sesame Street, it ain't broke; don't fix it.

And just in case you're wondering, my name is Nancy. It has been six days since my last cupcake.